Thursday, June 21, 2012

Day Two

VEE:  Two days down out of two weeks and I'm a selfish grouch.  In my heart I want to be helpful and understanding but exteriorly I feel like I'm being a pain.  Radiation is so interesting in that we can't immediately see it, touch it, taste it or know it is there.  My mom said she was feeling a bit nauseous tonight and has an ice cream pail with her in case she vomits.  I'm sitting here with the number of the nuclear medicine office on my desk, in case she spews, because I know that her vomit is highly radioactive and must be taken there to be disposed of but if that happens I have a zillion other questions I will be asking them.  I hope I don't have to!

DS:  Vee, why didn't you prepare for this?  Didn't your mother have to do this before months ago?  What was the procedure back then?  Have things changed?  Is this a more "potent" dosage? 

Needless to say, I'm worried.  :/

VEE:  Yes mom did this a couple months ago, and yes this is a more potent dose.  I did prepare though.  I've got my own bathroom and after my nurse sister who has little kids (at home not here) is done staying here for work, tonight is her last night, I will move downstairs.  As she has kids she should have the least exposure possible.  The docs tend to measure the exposure at how long and how close one is to the patient.  She is not to be around anyone closer than 3ft for more than an hour.

It is really interesting as well how radiation in cancer patients can help them and slow or stop the spread of cancer, however, in non-cancer people it can cause lots of problems!

I love my mom and wish things weren't like this.  It is a crucible for all of us in our own way, hopefully forging us into better people.  As Our Lady said to St Bernadette, "I cant promise you happiness in this life" I am reminded that earthly happiness and the joy God brings are two different things and we have here no lasting home.

People think they know happiness, love, etc., but if they don't know God they know only a mere shadow of these things.  God is absolute Love, Truth, Justice, Mercy, Beauty beyond our comprehension because we are the creatures created by Him and we must have humility.  He loves my mom far more than I ever could and will care for her always, even when it seems He is far away and doesn't care.  

DS:  Suffering does bring about humility.  In my own experience, watching my mother die a slow and painful death, I stood before the Blessed Sacrament many times and came crashing down upon my knees totally spent.  There was nothing I could possibly do to alleviate my mother's pain, only God...ONLY GOD could do that.  I could do nothing.  In my human weakness, I failed to see the good of it all, but my mother, who was a saint, would tell me time and again, "You must be prepared for the Will of God."  (She could see I was not accepting it.)  Many times I woke to her praying in the middle of the night, bed-ridden, wounded and in pain, whispering to Jesus with a strange joy, "Here I am, Lord....I come to do your Will."  

You are correct, Vee, in saying that it seems like God is far away and not caring to a soul who has to endure much suffering.  The truth is, God is glorified and is Present in a mystical way in a person who suffers greatly.  It is one of the mysteries of our Faith, one of the mysteries of God, who Himself sent His Only Son to the world to die an agonizing death.  Unlike the standards set by the world to avoid suffering at any costs, God shows us that there is much merit in suffering, and I pray that your mother will be given abundant strength and graces in the midst of her agony.

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